Anyway,  she agreed to meet me at a somewhat respectable hotel in San Francisco.  She was also kind enough to bring a large duffel bag filled with an assortment of sex toys, condoms, rubber gloves and pathetic lingerie. Rubber gloves? I don’t dare ask. This presents a minor problem because most jails don’t like to store luggage for their residents and some have even refused to take it. I suggested we leave the bag in her car and asked her to show me where she parked. She took us to a garage about three blocks from the hotel and instructed me to start driving up the ramps towards the top of the garage. As we passed through each level I could see she was looking intently for her car and, with each turn would tell me to keep going. The garage was not too populated so it couldn’t have been too difficult for her to see her car.

Just as we finished the last level I could see the roof of the garage and asked her if she parked on top. She said “oh no, it’s a level or two down”. The bells in my head start ringing. Something is not right. There is no way she missed her car. What’s she up to? I turn my car around and start driving back down. One of the many lessons I learned when I started this job was to keep a prisoner distracted, make conversation with them, don’t allow them the time or ability to plan an attack or an escape. Watch their body language. There are signs, if you’re paying attention.

As I start to drive down to the next level, it happens. I see the rear passenger side door swing open and watch as she bails out of my car and tumbles across the pavement. What the hell just happened? I immediately stop the car and jump out. My partner jumps out too and starts chasing her. It was kinda funny to watch this girl running up towards the top of the garage, struggling to run in black high heel boots. It only takes a second for my partner to catch her and all he has to do is trip her and she goes tumbling again. I land on top of her and we struggle for a bit to get the cuff back on her hand. This girl was so thin and flexible that she was able to slip one side of the cuffs over her hand, unlock the door and jump. Lucky for her I was only going about 10 mph.

I guess I should have known better, she’s looking at Federal prison and has a $400,000 warrant out of San Mateo County. Yes, I made a few stupid mistakes that I guarantee I’ll never do. She could have been killed when she jumped from the car or worse, my partner and I could have been injured. I asked her what she was planning to do if she made it to the top of the garage and she replied, “jump”.

• Complete a 40-hour “power of arrest” course certified by the California Bureau of Security and Investigative Services commission on Peace Officer Standards and Training (POST).
• Complete a “power of arrest” course certified by the Bureau of Security and Investigative Services.
• Complete a 12 hour of education relating to the duties and responsibilities of a Bail Licensee certified by the Department of Insurance.

All of these requirements can be found here. Okay, so that’s the legal requirements which are fairly easy to complete since no testing is required. Now let’s list the physical and mental requirements. If you’re okay with the following then you should have no problem doing the job.

• Can you sit in your car for 10, 12 or 18 hours staring at a house?
• Are you okay with peeing in a big gulp cup in your car?
• Are okay with eating 2 day old fast food?
• Are you okay with being spit on, punched, kicked, screamed at, pepper sprayed or tasered?
• Do you like to fight?
• Are you comfortable touching homeless people or searching homeless encampments (which may include walking through human feces)?
• Are you okay with someone pointing a loaded gun at you? This includes cops, criminals and parents or friends of criminals.
• Are you okay with being awaken at 3 in the morning by annoying phone calls from informants, defendants or parents / friends of defendants?

If you said no to any of the above questions then this job is probably not for you. However, if you said yes to the above then you may want to seek mental help.